Invader Zim Goes to Hogwarts
by turntechDerphead
Summary: Zim has been accepted to one of the weirdest schools out there...but for what?
1. The Letter

Invader Zim Goes to Hogwarts

An owl was pecking at the window. "That foul beast." Zim snarled. He wrenched open the window, and the ash-gray owl fluttered in, knocking Zim over. "YAAAAAY! IT'S AN OWL!" GIR yelled at the top of his voice. The owl was grasping a letter in its talons. When Zim approached it, it held out its leg so Zim could take the letter off. He ripped it off, then opened it while scowling.

_Hogwarts School_

_of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore_

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,_

_Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. Of Wizards)_

_Dear Mr. Zim_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. _

_Term Begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall,_

_Deputy Headmistress_

"What the hell is this about?" Zim snarled. He scanned through the letter again. Wait….magic? The Dib-human never spoke of this. "Is this maybe some superior knowledge…?" he mused. Zim replied by saying he would be delighted to join. "Now…to pack up some stuff I can't afford to leave behind." He scanned the room. Only GIR stood out, along with some ray-guns. He quickly stuffed them into his PAK."Now to get..." he began to read.

UNIFORM

First-year students will require:

Three sets of plain work robes (black)

One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear

One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide of similar)

One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)

Please note that all pupils' clothes should carry name tags

COURSE BOOKS

All students should have a copy of each of the following:

_The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)_

By Miranda Goshawk

_A History of Magic_

By Bathilda Bagshot

_Magical Theory_

By Adalbert Waffling

_A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration_

By Emeric Switch

_One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_

By Phyillida Spore

_Magical Drafts and Potions_

By Arsenius Jigger

_Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_

By Newt Scamander

_The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection_

By Quentin Trimble

OTHER EQUIPEMENT

1 wand

1 cauldron (pewter, standard size2)

1 set glass or crystal phials

1 set brass scales

Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad

PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST-YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS

"Now _that _was a long letter. Good thing I learned my ABC's…" Today was August 30th. One day before he had to get onto…Zim looked at the letter again. "Platform 9 and three quarters?" he exclaimed. "Whatever…I'll worry about that when I have to."


	2. Meeting the Boy Who Lived

Zim was wandering around London, determined to find some store in which he could buy his supplies. He was wearing his disguise, of _course_, but still, some passerby stared at him.

He was looking into Goodwill, until he heard a loud, but friendly voice talking about…magic?

"This is it, the Leaky Cauldron. It's a famous place."

Zim ran over, and tugged at the giant man's coat.

"Uh…hello? I kinda…need help finding a store in which I can buy Hogwarts school supplies."

"So yer' a firs'-year too,eh? Well Harry here is starting Hogwarts." The giant man said. "I'm Hagrid, and I can help you get yer' school supplies."

Hagrid led Harry and Zim down the street.

"Why is your skin green?" Harry asked curiously.

"Skin condition." Zim responded dully.

"Oh. We're you raised from raised from Muggles?" Harry inquired.

"What? Mug-gles? What are those?" Zim was starting to get nervous. _Are they testing me?_

"It means non-magic people." Harry explained.

"Oh. Well, then no, and yet, yes. I'm an orphan. I was'nt brought up by any parental figures."

"At least you were'nt stuck with the Dursleys…" Harry murmured.

"The what?" "The Muggle family that raised me…sadly." Harry said tartly.

"So what House do you hope to get put into? I hope I get to be in Gryffindor."

"Um…me too." Zim responded meekly.

"So how did you find out you were accepted into Hogwarts?" "

An owl was pecking at my window. Then I opened the letter-" Zim made a snapping motion. "-and I found out I was accepted."

"Over here Harry an' Zim." Hagrid called out to them.

He led them into the Leaky Cauldron, a dark, musty place, filled with what it seemed like shabby drinkers. When Harry walked in, the atmosphere changed.

"Aren't _you_ the famous Harry Potter?" A whole crowd of people surrounded Harry, and Zim seized the chance to silently walk to the bar.

There was bottles filled with amber liquid, and Zim slipped some into his PAK. He then quickly trotted back to Harry.

"What'd you got there, Zim?" Harry asked curiously.

"Um…But-ter Beer…" Zim said, reading the label as he spoke.

Harry's brilliant green eyes lit up. "Really? We can drink that on the train, then!"

Zim cocked his head, wondering what in the name of Irk was so exciting about this Earth-drink.

"Ehh…" He said simply, hoping to draw the conversation to a close.

"You've never heard of this? Hagrid told me about it; it's supposed to be really good." Harry explained.

"Does it give you a rush of adrenaline or something?"

"Yeah...adrenaline..." Harry said absentmindedly.

"Good…I need a pick-me-up once in a while…"Zim muttered darkly.

"Whas' that" Harry asked, only picking up a few words.

"Oh, nothing, nothing…anyways, Harry, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"I hope you don't mean seriously…well, do you consider me…a friend?" Zim held his breath, having done something he had never done before, with the exception of Skoodge.

"Well…yeah, I s'pose."

Zim let out all the air that was compressed into his chest.

_Maybe this school won't be so bad after all…now that I have a normal 'friend'; it'll make the almighty Zim look more normal! _He thought gleefully.

"Are yeh two ready yet?" Hagrid called.

"Um…yeah, coming!" Harry hollered back.

Hagrid signaled to them to follow him to the back of the pub. It seemed as if the place got grungier with every step.

"Nice place," Zim huffed under his breath.

At the very back, where it was also it darkest, Hagrid led them out through a door and to a brick wall. He clutched his pink flowery umbrella and tapped a brick.

"Yea'…I think I got the righ' one…" Hagrid murmured.

The wall folded into itself, or it seemed like it, and beholds, a brightly lit street filled to the brim with witches and wizards.

"Wow…" whispered Harry in complete awe.

In every window possible, there were magical contraptions and cauldrons and animals and plants…

"Yeah," Zim said excitedly. "Hey-uh-Hagrid? I don't have any money…" Zim realized his dilemma, only having Muggle money on him at the time.

"Do yeh have any Muggle money?" Hagrid asked.

"Um…yeah."

"Yeh can exchange tha' fer wizard currency at Gringotts, okay Zim?"

"OKAY!" Zim yelled, losing his head out of pure anticipation.

His yelling surprised many of the shoppers around them, and he caused a little boy to start crying out of fright.

Hagrid led the two eleven year-olds to a giant, white, granite building. They went up the steps and the white doors. They entered and strode over to a counter in which an ugly elf-or something around those lines-was seated.

"What is that?" Zim asked Hagrid quietly.

"It's a Gringotts goblin," Hagrid explained, then turned to the goblin. "Um…Harry has to take some money out o' his vault, and Zim has to exchange some o' his Muggle money for some wizard."

The goblin directed Zim over to a different goblin, this one younger.

"So do you need to exchange some money?" it asked brightly.

"Yeah…"

The goblin held out a hand and Zim pooled out all of his money on him and handed it to the goblin. The goblin jumped down from its stool and went into one of the several rooms behind the counters for quite a while. Eventually the tiny creature came hobbling back, carrying a thick bag bulging with coins. It handed the bag to Zim, who greedily took it and began to examine a gold coin.

Zim walked back slowly to where Hagrid and Harry had been, but they weren't there so Zim just walked out of Gringotts.

_Look at all of this money! I can probably buy anything! Wait…I should have thought of bringing GIR! We're allowed to bring pets…he'd just have to be a cat…_ Zim thought happily.

He activated his portable communicator and began speaking. "GIR! Come here immediately! And shut Mini-moose off, he can't come."

"Yes mastah!" GIR responded, obeying the simple command.

Moments later, a green dog landed from the sky and onto the pavement with a soft _thud._

"Ehh…maybe we can get that human to change you into a cat or something…" Zim suggested, pointing to the magical pet store.

"Yeah! KITTIES!" GIR shrieked with delight.

Zim dragged GIR into the store and shoved him under the witch who was currently behind the counter's nose.

"Can you make him into a cat?"

"You mean Transfigure? It'll cost ya' eleven sickles." She said, twirling her blond hair with her finger.

"Yeah, just get on with it you human pig-smelly!"

The witch waved her wand in a strange gesture and GIR's horrible dog disguise transformed into a real-looking cat. GIR now looked like a silver tabby with cyan eyes.

"Look at meh! Ima kitty!" he screeched.

"Yes yes, good for you." Zim said searching through his bag of money. "What do sickles look like?" he asked the witch.

"The small silver ones." She answered.

He quickly found eleven sickles and handed them to the witch.

(I'm gonna fast forward through all of his shopping and begin at King's Cross, mainly because Zim's just gonna go through the same stuff as he did at the pet store.)


	3. The Hogwarts Train

Zim was at King's Cross, all of his supplies in his trunk. His new 'cat' was currently trying to eat a toad that was loose on the ground.

_How am I supposed to get to…_ he checked the letter. _Platform nine and three quarters?_

"But mum, I wanna go now!" said a little voice.

"Not yet, Ginny dear." A kind voice said.

Zim turned on the spot, and spotted a family of red-heads, and it seemed all of them were on fire. But they weren't, of course. There were two boys that looked exactly alike, one older one sporting a badge, one younger one with a smudge on his long nose, and an even younger girl who was tugging on her mother's coat.

"Um…do you by any chance know how to get to platform nine and three quarters?" Zim walked over to the family while speaking.

"Are you going to Hogwarts?" the kind woman asked.

"Y-yeah…"

"You just have to run through that barrier. Got it?" she said while pointing to some sort of wall.

"Uh…yeah…" Zim braced himself for a crash while he ran, but none came.

"W-wha'…?" He looked around in bewilderment. All sorts of wizards were bidding farewell to their kids. A scarlet steam engine was puffing out smoke, and kids were hanging out of the windows, waving good-bye to their parents. Zim quickly jumped onto the train, and entered.

_Whoa…where am supposed to go?_ _Maybe I'll find Harry on here…yeah…_he thought hopefully.

"GIR! I'm gonna need to call you Lightning, 'kay? GIR is just too weird a name for people not to question me about it."

"Okay mastah! YEAH! MAH NAME IS LIGHTNING—aww…what was that for?" But 'Lightning' was cut off by Zim who stuffed him under his Invader uniform.

Compartment after compartment, kids were pointing and covering their mouths with their hands while they talked about him.

A third-year came up to him.

"Why's your skin green?" the boy asked.

"Mind you own filthy business, you human pig-smelly!" Zim snapped back. He then stalked to the next compartment, and he saw a familiar face.

"Oh-uh- hi Harry," Zim said happily.

"Hi Zim! Meet Ron." Harry responded.

"'Sup," a tall red-headed boy said.

"I remember you! You're that lady's son that had-and still has-that smudge on his nose!" Zim exclaimed.

Ron's face went red as he tried to get the smudge off.

Zim started twirling his wand between his fingers, and some purple sparks erupted from the end of it.

"Blimey, Zim! Why'd your wand do that?" Ron exclaimed.

"I really don't know…unless it's the threstal hair…" Zim mumbled.

"The what?" A girl had just walked into the compartment; she had bushy brown hair and larger-than-normal front teeth.

"My wand. It's made out of blackthorn and the core is threstal hair." Zim explained.

"That's odd…well anyways, Neville lost his toad. I was wondering if any of you have seen it." The girl said.

"Lightning has it! GIR-uh…I mean Lighting! Give…what's your name?" Zim asked the girl.

"Hermione Granger," the girl responded.

"Give Hermione the toad, Lightning." Zim ordered.

"Yes mastah!" GIR screeched from inside of Zim's shirt.

A toad plopped out and croaked angrily as a plump boy ran into the compartment.

"Trevor!" he hollered as he picked up his toad.

Hermione and Neville left the compartment, but before Hermione completely left, she told them something interesting…well, to Zim, that is.

"I just asked the conductor, he said we should be arriving at Hogwarts soon, so I advise changing into your school robes." She said matter-of-factly, and then left with Neville and his toad.

Zim clicked open his trunk and pulled out his black school robes. They were light, and Zim slipped it over his head.

"Aren't you gonna take off your _normal_ clothes?" Ron asked suspiciously.

"What? Oh, no, my normal clothes I never take off. Only when they need to be washed or changed." Zim answered.

"Weird," said Harry.

When his robes were completely pulled over his head, he noticed something he hadn't before.

"What _is_ that?" Zim asked, his gloved finger pointing towards a mass of white.

"Oh, that's Hedwig. She's my owl." Harry answered, pulling on his own black robes.

"Interesting…" Zim muttered.


	4. The Boats of Watery Doom

As Zim stepped out of the scarlet steam engine, he spotted several creatures off to the side. He squinted and saw that they were horse-like, had great leathery wings, and seemed to have no flesh. They were pulling carriages in which the older students were now climbing in.

"Harry, what are those?" Zim asked.

"What are what?"

"You mean you don't see them?"

"See what?"

"See those horse-thingies!"

Harry looked at him concernedly. "Are you okay, Zim?"

"Yes! It's just that—oh never mind…" said Zim, attempting to drop the argument.

"Firs' years! Firs' years over here!" a familiar voice called.

"All right there, Harry?" Hagrid asked.

"Er...yeah," Harry replied.

"C'mon, follow me—any more firs' years? Mind yer step there, now! Firs' years follow me!" Hagrid continued to call.

Zim, Harry, and Ron followed the giant down a steep, narrow path which seemed to go on forever until they reached a colossal-sized lake.

"Yeh'll get yer firs' sight o' Hogwarts in a sec," Hagrid called over his massive shoulder.

A chorus of "Oooooh!'s" sounded.

On top of a high mountain, a brightly lit castle with many turrets and towers was there, making the lake sparkle from the light.

"No more'n four to a boat!" Hagrid yelled, indicating to a fleet of small boats floating on the shoreline.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville squeezed into one, while Zim looked around for another boat.

_Am I small enough to fit without Hagrid noticing?_ He thought to himself.

Harry seemed to be thinking the same thing, because he patted the floor of the boat and said, "C'mon, he won't notice, Zim."

"Er…okay…" Zim responded and squeezed himself into the boat and onto the ground.

"Everyone in?" hollered Hagrid, who was too large to share a boat so he had one to himself.

"Right then—FORWARD!"

The boats moved off all at once, gliding against the smooth waters.

Zim looked over the side of the boat and only just realized he was surrounded by the worst thing possible for an Irken.

_CRAP, CRAP, CRAP! I'M SURROUNDED BY WATER! What the crap am I supposed to do now? _he thought.

_Calm down Zim…soon you'll be out…no worries…_

He took a deep breath and decided to watch Neville struggle with Trevor.

"Heads down!" called Hagrid as the boats approached a cliff and all of them bent their heads except for Zim, mostly because he was too small to worry about that, and sitting on the ground doesn't really make you high up.

Zim stared awestruck at what the boats had entered. It was an ivy-covered tunnel, and the boats slid through the water like miniature snakes until they reached an under-ground harbor.

Hagrid told them to follow him up to the castles doors, and the first years did as they were told to do.

Hagrid raised a giant fist and knocked on the castle's oak door.


	5. The Sorting

The massive door slammed open almost as soon as Hagrid had knocked on it. A tall witch with black hair and wearing emerald-green robes stood there, and her stern face intimidated Zim.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," Hagrid said.

"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here." She responded as she pulled open the door wide enough for the first years to pile through.

"Whoa! Harry! This place is bigger than my –nevertheless, almighty- base…uh…I mean house!" Zim exclaimed.

The torches aligning the walls made the vicinity seem peaceful, and the marble staircase was glimmering in the fire's light.

Professor McGonagall led the midgets to another massive door, and Zim looked up, suddenly noticing that he was one of the smallest there.

_Zim does not need height to destroy his enemies!_ He thought happily.

Professor McGonagall led the first years into a chamber of the side of the hall where the rest of the school was.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," Professor McGonagall said. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your House will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your House, sleep in your House dormitory, and spend your free time in your House common room." She took a deep breath and plowed on.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each House has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your House points, while any rule-breaking will lose House points. At the end of the year, the House with the most points is awarded the House Cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever House becomes yours." She took another breath.

"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting." Her piercing eyes fastened onto Neville's cloak which was currently suck under his left ear, and then onto Ron's long dirty nose.

Zim tried to fix his wig and make sure his contacts were in place before the Sorting began.

"I shall return when we are ready for you. Please wait quietly." Professor McGonagall said then she left the chamber.

Zim heard Harry swallow in anxiety. "How exactly do they sort us into Houses?" Harry asked Ron.

"The Sorting Hat chooses based on our personality," Zim said quietly before Ron could answer.

"How do you know?" Ron asked.

"I opened my books before I got on the train, thank you very much." Zim said defiantly.

Hermione stopped her whispering to look up at him. Zim saw her mouth form a small o of surprise.

"Wait, look at this, guys!" Zim said to them.

He waved his wand and muttered _avis!_

Many little birds came shooting out of his wand, and the only way he knew that spell was due to the fact that he had programmed all of the spells possible into his PAK.

"Whoa! That was wicked!" Neville yelled.

"Another one!" Harry and Ron screeched.

"_Expecto Patronum,_" Zim muttered again.

A silvery tiger burst out of his wand, and began leaping between the first years.

"What is that?"

"I dunno, but I wanna know _who_ did that!"

"Brilliant!"

The silvery tiger made several of the students speak out loud and some kids were squealing when the tiger leaped right by them.

"Zim did that! Yup, Zim made that!" Ron yelled over the noise.

Many of the first years stopped shouting and stared at Zim with wide eyes.

"Move along now," said a sharp voice. "The Sorting Ceremony's about to start."

Zim immediately recognized this voice as the one of Professor McGonagall.

"Now, form a line," Professor McGonagall ordered, "and follow me."

Professor McGonagall led the first years into the Great Hall.

Zim and Harry gasped at the same time at the view. Thousands of candles floated above the tables, and the tables were topped with golden plates and goblets. Five long tables were in the Great Hall, and all of the students already sitting there looked at the first years as if they were a mildly interesting TV program.

Zim looked up at the ceiling and saw that is was dotted with bright stars.

"It's bewitched to look like the sky outside. I read about it in _Hogwarts, A History_." Hermione whispered to no one in particular.

Zim looked down and spotted Professor McGonagall placing a stool in front of the first years. On the stool stood an old, worn-out wizard's hat that was patched and frayed. The brim of the hat ripped open and it began to sing:

_Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,_

_But don't judge on what you see,_

_I'll eat myself if you can find_

_A smarter hat than me._

_You can keep your bowlers black,_

_Your top hats sleek and tall,_

_For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat_

_And I can top them all._

_There's nothing hidden in your head_

_The Sorting Hat can't see,_

_So try me on and I will tell you_

_Where you ought to be._

_You might belong in Gryffindor,_

_Where dwell the brave at heart,_

_Their daring, nerve and chivalry_

_Set Gryffindors apart;_

_You might belong in Hufflepuff,_

_Where they are just and loyal,_

_Those patient Hufflepuffs are true_

_And unafraid of toil;_

_Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,_

_If you've a steady mind,_

_Where those of wit and learning,_

_Will always find their kind;_

_Or perhaps in Slytherin_

_You'll make your real friends,_

_Those cunning folk use any means_

_To achieve their ends._

_So put me on! Don't be afraid!_

_And don't get in a flap!_

_You're in safe hands (though I have none)_

_For I'm a Thinking Cap!_

The whole hall broke into loud applause as the hat finished its singing.

Professor McGonagall stepped forward bearing a long roll of parchment.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said. "Abbot, Hannah!"

A girl with blond pig-tails stepped forward, put on the hat, and sat on the stool. There was a silent pause then—

"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat. The table on the right cheered and clapped for their new recruit.

"Bones, Susan!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!" the hat called again.

"Boot, Terry!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

The table second from the left clapped this time, and a few Ravenclaws stood up to shake hands with Terry.

Zim then zoned out, not taking anything in until "Potter, Harry" was called. He noticed that many students stood up from their seats to get a better look at him.

Harry walked up to the stool, jammed the hat onto his untidy hair, and then sat down. He seemed to have sat on the stool for several moments before the hat called out, "GRYFFINDOR!"

An uproar of cheering went off from the Gryffindor table, and the same red-heads that Zim has seen at King's Cross were yelling, "We got Potter! We got Potter!"

Zim just stood there, twiddling his fingers carelessly until he heard his name called.

"Redavni, Zim!"

Zim looked up eagerly then sprinted over to the stool and sat down, pulling the hat down over his head.

He heard a voice talking, but it wasn't in his mind.

_**You have a very bright mind there, worthy of Ravenclaw.**_

_Please, I want to go with my friend!_

_**Are you sure? Your intelligence would surely be increased in Ravenclaw…**_

_Yes, I'm sure!_

_**Okay then…better be…**_

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Zim heard the last word echo through the hall, and the smattering applause from the Gryffindor table. He hopped off of the stool, dropped the hat on top of it, and then trotted over to his new House table.

As he sat down between Harry and a fifth-year, a fourth-year leaned towards him and asked, "Is it true that you can cast a Patronus?"

"Yeah," Zim replied.

A ghost with a partially severed head squinted at him.

"How did you do that?" the ghost asked in a pompous tone.

"I opened a book and read it. Simple as that." Zim responded, shrugging.

Suddenly, food appeared on the golden platters and Zim looked for something that wouldn't kill him. He spotted some salad and started eating that.

As he munched on the juicy leaves, he stared absentmindedly into the wall, until something pearly white floated through it. It was a ghost.

Zim nudged Harry and said, "Look at that thing!"

"That's the Bloody Baron," the ghost at the Gryffindor table answered.

"Oh…no wonder he has those silver stain-thingies." Zim said while Harry got absorbed into a conversation with Ron.

"Excuse me?" the decapitated ghost asked.

"Oh, never mind, but what's your name anyways?"

"Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington," the ghost said exasperatedly.

Zim lowered his fork to take another bite of his salad, but nothing was there. Instead, there was a large selection of deserts. He heard GIR squeal from inside of his robe.

"Shut up, GIR!" he hissed.

"Okey-dokie!" GIR whispered loudly.

Zim snatched a couple of treacle tarts from off one of the platters and stuffed one into his robe for GIR.

"Thanks, mastah!"

"Shut your face, GIR."

"Urf okazmazteh." GIR's mouth was full of treacle tart, but Zim just rolled his eyes.

After ten solid minutes of eating desserts, they too disappeared and Dumbledore got to his feet, which caught the attention of the whole school.

"Ahem—just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered. I have a few start-of-term notices to give you. First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well." Dumbledore looked towards the red-headed twins.

"I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors. Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of term. Anyone interested in playing for their House teams should contact Madam Hooch."

_Quidditch? Should I try that? I mean, I can most likely bewitch a broom…or at least make the school ones better._ Zim thought.

"And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone that does not wish to die a very painful death."

_That won't stop the almighty Zim! Zim can go wherever he wants to go, you old fool!_

"And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!" Dumbledore flicked his wand so gold ribbons came out of the end of it then continued to speak.

"Everyone pick their favorite tune, and off we go!"

Then the school started to cry:

"_Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,_

_Teach us something please,_

_Whether we be old and bald,_

_Or young with scabby knees,_

_Our heads could do with filling,_

_With some interesting stuff,_

_For now they're bare and full of air,_

_Dead flies and bits of fluff,_

_So teach us things worth knowing,_

_Bring back what we've forgot,_

_Just do your best, we'll do the rest,_

_And learn until our brains all rot."_

The song was very poorly conducted, for everyone finished at different intervals. The twins were the lasts one singing to a very slow tune. When they finished, Dumbledore clapped the hardest.

"Ah, music," he said, wiping his eyes from laughter. "A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!"

Ron's oldest brother, Percy, led the first years out of the hall and up the granite staircase.

Zim took a nice long look at the portraits and knights and the giant crystal phials as he passed them. He felt happy, peaceful, for the first time ever.

Only when Percy started chatting to the first years about something did Zim come to his Irken senses.

"Peeves," Percy whispered. "A poltergeist. Peeves—show yourself."

A loud raspberry sounded and Percy said in an annoyed tone, "Do you want me to go to the Bloody Baron?"

A loud **POP** and a little man appeared with dark eyes, colorful clothing, a wide mouth, and clutching walking sticks appeared.

"Oooooooh!" Peeves said menacingly. "Ickle Firsites! What fun!"

"Go away, Peeves, or the Baron'll hear about this, I mean it!" Percy snarled.

Peeves stuck out his tongue, dropped the walking sticks onto Neville's head, and then disappeared.

"You want to watch out for Peeves," said Percy.

"The Bloody Baron's the only one who can control him, he won't even listen to us prefects. Here we are."

At the end of the corridor, a large painting of a plump woman in a pink silk dress.

"Password?" said the painting.

"Caput Draconis," Percy said, and the portrait swung forward to reveal a hole in the wall. Zim pushed the others out of his way to get into it first.

Inside, there was cozy armchairs sitting in front of a flickering fire, and it seemed _so_ inviting.

So he naturally went to go plop himself into the chair, but Percy grabbed his shoulder before he could.

"I advise you get the most sleep possible, kid." He advised.

Zim pulled himself away and glared at Percy with his arms crossed angrily.

"What else do you suggest?" he growled.

"I suggest going up to your dormitory and sleeping," Percy said back, bending down and leaning towards Zim with a smug look on his face.

_Oh, you pitiful hyooman, just wait until Zim has control! Then I'll make you…uh…watch the downfall of your species!_ He thought bitterly.

"Just c'mon Zim, we do need to catch some z's…" said Harry, obviously trying to avoid trouble.

Zim stared Percy dead straight in the eye for another long moment then said, "Fine," and followed Harry and Ron up the staircase to the first-years boys' dormitory.

"Hey look, there's six beds!" Ron exclaimed.

"Huh," said a black boy. "I'm Dean, Dean Thomas," he explained.

Harry nodded then said, "Nice to meet you, Dean."

Another boy trudged up the staircase.

"Oh, and that's Seamus Finnigan." Dean explained.

"This is nice and all, but I really do think it's time to sleep, don't you?" Ron said, annoyed.

"Oh," said Harry. "Yeah…"

Zim watched the others climb into their four-poster beds then crawled into his own, the one by the window.

He smiled to himself and though, _This is too easy…_ then drifted off to a dreamless sleep.


	6. A Mental Battlefield

Zim woke the next morning, and saw some feeble rays of sunlight trying to get into his bed.

He sat up in bed, looked around at the others, and noticed that all of them were sleeping peacefully, the rise and fall of their chests slow and deep.

_Well, it's quite, and that's how I like it._ He thought, quickly dressing so he could go downstairs to breakfast and go to the library as well before classes.

When he was sure everything was in place (wig, contacts), only then did he go down the spiral staircase to the Gryffindor common room. No one was there.

Zim exited through the Fat Lady's portrait hole and looked around.

_Do I actually know how to even get to the library? This is…just swell._ Then his squeedily-spooch growled with hunger.

_My to-do list, 1) EAT 2) worry about how to get to the library LATER._ He thought, shrugging off the worries of getting lost.

Seven staircases later, he was down in the Great Hall, eating some cereal and sitting around lazily.

"I mean, Percy, when do you think we start Transfiguring furniture into animals?" Hermione asked Percy the prefect.

"That's usually O.W.L. level stuff, Hermione, so you won't have to worry about that for a long time." Percy answered pompously.

_Still, how is that Hermione human so smart? It's like she knows everything, but all of the other humans find her annoying…how?_ He thought, tapping his finger on the table.

"What is it Zim?" Hermione asked scathingly.

"I was just wondering…if you knew how to get to the library?" He answered, setting his spoon down and looking her in the eye.

"Well, I honestly don't know…but maybe Percy does. Do you?"

"Of course I do," Percy replied, straightening up. "I can lead you two there right now, if you'd like."

"That'd be nice!" Hermione exclaimed happily.

"Yeah…thanks…" Zim mumbled.

The threesome pushed the benches back and stood up. Zim had a burning desire to read about the Dark Magic in the library, of_ course_ only to be used against enemies or in dire situations.

_Or Dib._ Zim thought, smirking at this wonderful and pleasant thought.

Percy the prefect led them out of the Great Hall and through winding corridors and staircases and past moving portraits and knights…

"Here we are, the library. Though I advise not eating, talking loudly, or appearing to ruin books with Madam Prince here." Percy advised wisely.

Zim paid no attention to his warning and took out a treacle tart from yesterday's feast while strolling into the large library with Hermione.

He directed his steps to the Dark Arts section, but Hermione grasped him arm unexpectedly and pulled him towards the History area, where she quickly grabbed a book off the shelf labeled _Hogwarts, A History_.

"What's that for?" Zim asked, completely befuddled.

"Exactly as the title says. It's a history of Hogwarts," Hermione answered, now flipping through the worn pages of the leather-bound book.

Being the abhorrent alien Zim was, he could care less for her readings. He shuffled away from her and through the gargantuan library to try and find the Dark Arts section.

_This is place is so…so…confusing. Why? Why does it need to be so __**large?**_He thought while scowling.

Finally his deep purple eyes set sight on the magnificence of the Dark Arts; rows and rows of books, most of them labeled with something along the lines of _Defense Against the Dark Arts_.

He crouched down among the dusty books and peered down at one in particular. Said object was currently open, light dappling the yellowing pages.

Zim began to read the miniscule text, bending down in his usual feminine posture absentmindedly.

"'Lord Voldemort was considered one of the most powerful dark wizards of all time. He even outdid Grindelwald, who committed hundreds of murders across the European lands. However, Lord Voldemort was defeated by Harry Potter on October 31st, 1981. His parents, Lily and James Potter, both died in the attack. Harry Potter is widely known as The Boy Who Lived, and his reason for survival of the Killing Curse, _Avada Kedavra_, is unknown. Many believe that Lord Voldemort…'" but Zim stopped reading, his eyes dull.

"He's—that Lord Voldemort thingy—he's killed more than the whole Irken empire combined…wow…" he breathed, imaging what London must've looked like those 10 years ago.

_Deaths…people homeless…not knowing which loved one has died…constant worries…the slaying of the innocent…WAIT! ZIM! STOP THINKING STUFF LIKE THIS! You are NOT a defective, nor will you ever be. Feelings are not made for Irkens, only pitiful humans._ Then the darkest part of his Irken mind spoke up.

_**Oh, so you feel pity for the human race, eh, Zim?**_

_Shut up! Shut up, shut up, and shut up!_

_**Why are you afraid to reveal your feelings, Zim? Let them out, let them out…they've been begging for their freedom into the outside…**_

Zim had a fleeting image of a snake slithering around its prey.

_I don't have feelings. I don't have feelings. I don't have feelings!_

_**Of course you do, Zim…you're just too much of a coward to reveal your true emotions, aren't you?**_

_I am NOT a coward!_

_**Whatever floats your boat…but beware, I will always be here, bursting to let some of your feelings, emotions, deepest thoughts out into the world you call your own…**_

As his mental battle ended, he became very noxious and clutched his head in his gloved hands. The inside of his skull felt as though someone had been beating it with a sledgehammer…

"Zim? Are you okay?" a gentle voice asked.

He looked up. "Of course I am, Hermione."

"Okay, good. Our first class is starting in…blimey…eight minutes!" Hermione exclaimed frantically.

"Which subject is it?" Zim catechized, jumping to his feet.

Hermione checked their schedules. "First up is Herbology,"

"Well, then let's get there before it's too late! We can't make a bad impression!"

Zim started sprinting out of the library as the bell rang to signal to the students to start moving towards their classes.

_I don't need a reminder._

He heard Hermione's pounding footsteps behind him, so he ran harder than he ever had in his life, which was saying something.

Five minutes later, Zim stood bending over, panting extremely hard in front of Greenhouse One.

As he clutched the stitches in his side, he discerned Harry and Ron coming towards the greenhouses off in the distance.

"Hermione…how…much…longer?" he panted.

She took a deep breath and responded, "About…two…minutes…"

"Thanks," Then Zim slid down the side of the greenhouse and lay there, allowing his body's breathing rate to slow down.

As Harry and Ron's figures came up closer to Greenhouse One, a stout woman in dirty and frayed clothing strolled out of it. Her fingernails had a collection of dirt and she smelled faintly of plants and earth.

"Come inside, now, I'm Professor Sprout and I'm your Herbology teacher," the woman said kindly.

The Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs stumped into the greenhouse, and Zim looked around warily.

_As long as we're not watering…I'm fine with this…_

_**Are you sure, Zim?**_

_My own mind isn't even safe anymore…_

He gave himself a mental and physical shake then joined Harry and Ron at your table.

Professor Sprout began to do roll call.

As she finished, she told them what the objective of the course was.

"This subject revolves around plants of the wizarding world; therefore, some of these plants are extremely endangered and/or rare. So I suggest trying to restrain yourselves from using your wands at all times."

Zim grimaced; he thought that when a teacher said 'put your wands away', it would usually be followed by a particularly boring lesson. But in this case, he was wrong.

"Today, class, we will be studying the Venomous Tentacula, which indecently I have in this very Greenhouse." She gestured to a small, potted plant off in the corner.

**[A/N: I made it potted and in Greenhouse One (which, I do know for a fact, is not the real position of this dangerous plant) because my mind went blank. Yeah. It did.]**

Zim rolled his deep eyes and ignored every word Professor Sprout said from then to the end of the lesson.

"What lesson next?" Zim sighed, stumping on the grounds towards the front of the school.

Hermione checked their schedule's once again and sighed as well. "Transfiguration,"

"Should be easy," Zim assured, completely confident that that lesson wouldn't be a waste of time like Herbology.

"You might say so," Harry said darkly. His sudden presence surprised Zim so, that he actually jumped. Ron could be seen picking the dirt out of his fingernails on Harry's other side.

Zim merely shrugged. "It can't be worse than Herbology,"

"I repeat, I don't have a good feeling about this subject,"

Zim shook off Harry's doubts, for he had his own abstruse thoughts.

"Whatever," he said simply as he stalked up into the castle.

**[Another A/N: Definition to SAT-level words used**

**Abhorrent- adj. Very repugnant; hateful**

**Abstruse- adj. Dealing with matters difficult to be understood**

**Discerned- v. spotted; glimpsed**

**Hoped you enjoyed! Review or I'm locking some more puppies in the bathroom! Ta-ta!**


	7. Snape

**Aha! You guys probably thought I was dead, been so long since I've updated (well, to me it has), and I'm working on four stories at once, it's been a nightmare…And I'd like to say my thanks to the people who have been reviewing every chapter I upload! **

**WildCard-Yes Man- Thanks for the almost-instant reviews! :D**

**Hanzo of the Salamander- Thanks for the nice reviews. **

**Lefthandliam1998- THANKS! I advise eating the bed cheese (don't, just don't, ignore my insanity).**

**HamhaPHKFan- Neef! It may be the beginning…I dunno where this is going…just check the message for everyone…**

**EVERYONE: This is year one of IZGtH (Invader Zim Goes to Hogwarts), so can you guess what THAT means? NEEF! It means year one-year seven. That, I know for a fact, is something that has NEVER happened wif IZ crossovers. :D**

**Oh, and did I mention this exciting bit of news yet? I'm uploading previews of Year Two to Year Seven! YAY! Oh, yesh, please read that story as well. ;)**

Zim sat in **one** of the cushy armchairs in front of the common room fire, trying to Transfigure one of his quills. He waved his wand, and the quill only grew whiskers. He picked it up and observed it.

"This was a waste of a perfectly good quill…" he murmured. Zim tossed it into the flames which instantly started licking it with warmth.

"Watcha doing there, Zim?" Harry asked, looking up from his parchment.

"Transfiguration,"

"How come?" Ron questioned.

"Not good enough yet," Zim said stiffly. He didn't really like Ron.

"But your match turned into a needle!" Harry exclaimed.

It was true, but being Zim, of course his work went unnoticed. When Professor McGonagall had given Hermione praise when her own match hadn't even Transfigured completely, Zim had broken his needle in half between his fingers.

"Doesn't matter," Zim said, rolling his eyes.

Harry and Ron fixed Zim with a look of disbelief, resulting in Zim stowing away his wand into his pocket, slinging his book bag (he needed one as to look normal, he had noticed that humans didn't have PAKs), and then stalked up the stairs to the First Year boys' dormitories.

Zim leaned against the window and looked out at the grounds. He noticed that wood smoke was puffing out of Hagrid's fireplace and sighed.

_**It's nice, isn't it?**_

_Leave me alone._

_**How? How, Zim, can you leave yourself alone? It's just not possible, my friend.**_

_I have no friends._

_**What about Harry?**_

_He's not a friend. It's a cover-up._

_**Oh really?**_

_. . ._

He gave himself a shake and took a deep breath, setting himself onto his four-poster as he did.

"GIR?" he called out softly.

"Mastah! I thoughts you would never finds me agains!" the little robot shrieked, suddenly appearing from Zim's trunk.

"GIR, how many times have I told you _not to mess with my stuff_?" the green alien hollered.

The 'cat' was left to ponder exactly how many times his master had told him to screw off while Harry and Ron entered the dormitory.

"Why were you yelling?" asked Ron suspiciously.

"None of your business," Zim said, his dislike for Ron mounting by the minute.

The redhead just shrugged and sat down in his bed. Harry strode over to the window and looked at his reflection. A thin face with untidy jet-black hair met him, and for the first time, Zim noticed a lightning-shaped scar.

"What's that, Harry?" inquired Zim, indicating to his forehead.

"It's…" Harry began, "it's what was left when Lord Voldemort attacked me…"

"Odd," Zim commented softly, then crawled into his bed and under the sheets.

He turned over in his bed, and instantly fell asleep.

Over the rest of the week, Zim , made it on time for every class, did his work neatly, but still, the teachers never noticed him. They only paid attention to Hermione Granger, and her _fantastic _spell work.

He had to deal with this foul treatment until Friday, the day all of the First Year Gryffindors dreaded.

"Potions today," Harry commented at breakfast.

"Really?" Zim stopped in the act of eating his kipper when Harry had said that.

After breakfast the trio had headed down to the dungeons to begin their lesson with Professor Snape. Zim was looking forward to this; Harry was showing obvious hatred; Ron was showing reluctance.

Like the Transfiguration teacher, Snape started with roll call.

He stopped at Harry's name.

"Ah, yes," Snape said softly. "Harry Potter. Our new – _celebrity_."

A boy with sleek whitish-blonde hair snickered, looking ghostly due to his paleness.

"Redavni, Zim." Snape called out.

"HERE! I'M RIGHT HERE! HERE! HERE! HERE! RIGHT HERE!" Zim hollered.

Snape's cold eyes flicked over to him and he smirked. "So you're the green kid?"

Zim raised himself to his fullest height. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Hm…tsk tsk, if you're as stupid as you look, then I suppose it'll be very hard to teach you." sneered Snape.

Of course, that statement was a lie. Zim had an IQ of that of a genius, but due to the fact that he had a certain amount of insanity infused with it, it didn't usually show.

Zim opened his mouth to retaliate but then Harry nudged him and shook his head.

"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making…"

_Are these lessons always so boring? _Zim thought idly, choosing to stare around the room instead of listening to Professor Snape.

"Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root to an infusion of wormwood?" asked Snape suddenly.

"I don't know, sir." Harry answered.

_Isn't it obvious? It makes the Draught of Living Death._

"Harry," Zim whispered to Harry under his breath. "It makes the Draught of Living Death."

"Redavni, that'll be ten points for giving away the answer." Snape sneered again.

"So what? I gave him an answer to a question you asked!

"Detention, tomorrow, eight o' clock, my office."

Zim gazed at Snape with his mouth slightly open.

As Snape continued asking Harry difficult questions, Zim did one of his usual zoning-outs and started drumming his fingers absentmindedly on the table.

"What is it, Redavni?" snapped Snape.

"What? Oh—I find this class painfully boring and whatnot." Zim explained with a cheery tone.

"Oh really?"

"Mmhmm!"

"Then I suggest you make me this potion, Redavni," Snape said, showing Zim his potions book.

"But sir, I honestly don't want to." Zim said honestly, looking into Snape's deep and cold eyes.

**[A/N: Sucks, doesn't it? I really stink at cliffhangers. :P I'll try to get the next chapter up ASAP.]**


	8. The Option Game

**Everyone, I am so so so **_**SO **_** sorry about not updating… I've been so busy, working on South Park drawings, stories, and other fan fictions for IZ that I didn't have the time for this one. I cannot express my regrets enough about abusing this story, so I've decided to let you guys choose how this all works out. The choices will be at the bottom of this chapter. Yours truly, **_**FireOfTheDragon.**_

"So how did your detention go?" Harry asked, sitting in his bed while watching Zim.

"Eh…" Zim responded, throwing off the gloves that were now covered in filthy maggots and such. "I've had better at my old Muggle school…"

He turned and stared out of the clear window once again, and stared out at the grounds to Hagrid's hut.

"How was it there?" Harry catechized abruptly.

"Awful; there was this large-headed kid name Dib, and he always accused me of being a…a…"

"A what?"

"An alien," Zim muttered.

_Well, Dib was right, wasn't he? _

"That's…odd." Harry commented.

"Yeah, well, I'm tired. G'night." Zim slumped into his four-poster and pondered the possibility of him ever returning to his old skool.

_At least that place didn't have the element of surprise…_

He buried his face into his pillow and sighed.

(-_-)

"So this is wizard's chess?"

"Yes, it's also very fun." Ron answered Zim's inquiry without even looking up from the playing board.

Zim's face shifted into his signature look; one eye narrowed in confusion and his lip jutted out to the side.

**[A/N: You all know what I'm talking about, right? Well, if you haven't noticed, for this chapter I'm just doing one-shots, nothing more. So be prepared for a bit of confusion on your part.]**

"Okay?" Then he returned to inspecting his thestral wand.

(-_-)

"What does this mean?" Zim shoved his Charms textbook over to Hermione Granger.

"_Immobulus _means to make someone or something incapable of moving, Zim." She explained with ease.

"Oh," he said. "Of course."

"Two lovebirds, two lovebirds, two lovebirds…" Ron sang from the next table over.

Both Hermione and Zim turned their heads at the same time, resulting in the clashing of their foreheads and a stream of swears coming from Zim.

"GOD DAMMIT!" Zim hollered, then looked around to see everyone staring at him. "Sorry…" he whispered loudly.

Professor Flitwick whisked over to their table and tapped on the table with his wand. "That'll be homework tonight, Redavni."

Zim groaned and then responded, "Okay…"

**Um…so yeah, this had been a very short chapter. But here comes the fun part! You guys get to choose what happens in the story! In your reviews, if you want a certain option, include that. Remember, if you play this little game of mine, you most vote on **_**every single year. **_**And you can also choose multiple options.**

**Example: ****First Year; Option A; Make him ditch Hogwarts and just leave the life of a wizard.**

**So…here are all of your options!**

**First Year:**

**Option A- Make him ditch Hogwarts and just leave the life of a wizard.**

**Option B- Continue with the story just how it is.**

**Option C- Make Zim and Hermione fall in love. (Personally, I hate this option.)**

**Option D- Make Zim the defeater of Lord Voldemort and not Harry over the Sorcerer's Stone.**

**Second Year:**

**Option A- Zim gets petrified by the basilisk.**

**Option B- He kills Lockhart. (I like this one.)**

**Option C- He gets possessed and starts doing the basilisk's bidding.**

**Option D- Before boarding the Hogwarts Express, he Transfigures his skin so he looks normal; he also gives himself ears and a nose. **

**Third Year:**

**Option A- Zim becomes an Animagus. (I choose the animal.)**

**Option B- Zim grows taller! (Due to drinking potions)**

**Option C- Zim stops Peter Pettigrew from escaping to Lord Voldemort.**

**Option D- He gets to go to Hogsmeade.**

**Fourth Year:**

**Option A- There's actually five champions for the Triwizard Tournament. **

**Option B- Zim gets to be alongside with Harry and Cedric when Voldemort fights them in the graveyard of Little Hangleton.**

**Option C- Our favorite little alien goes to Quidditch World Cup.**

**Option D- Becomes traumatized! (Pfff I don't like this one.)**

**Fifth Year:**

**Option A- Zim joins the D.A.**

**Option B- He leads the group.**

**Option C- He works for Umbridge as part of the Inquisitorial Squad.**

**Option D- He joins in the fight at the Department of Mysteries.**

**Sixth Year:**

**Option A- In the fight in the Astronomy Tower, GIR gets killed. (That would explain Zim's life being affected by Voldemort, as I said in my previews.)**

**Option B- Zim has the real Horcrux the whole time, but doesn't notice that.**

**Option C- He gets kidnapped by the Death Eaters.**

**Option D- Zim gets bitten by Greyback, so he's a werewolf.**

**Seventh Year:**

**Option A- Zim stays at Hogwarts. (Meaning that you get an inside look at what happened in there while Harry, Ron, and Hermione are hunting down Horcruxes.)**

**Option B- Zim saves Hedwig somehow.**

**Option C- Zim saves Dobby.**

**Option D- He destroys one Horcrux; preferably the snake, Nagini.**

**So tell me what you want and I'll try to get that into the stories! Also, if you have any suggestions that are not up there, leave them! **


	9. When Two Worlds Collide

**Yes. Hi~ You guys are wondering (except WildCard-Yes Man) why I took so long in updating, non? Stupid wouldn't let me update ANY of my stories. It really...sucked, seeing you guys be all like 'WHERE'D SHE GO?'. Yay! Explanation! Now on with the story!**

**Disclaimer (the only one going into MAH story): ****I do not own Invader Zim nor Harry Potter. Viacom, Jhonen Vasquez, and J.K. Rowling do.**

"5, 3." Zim's knight moved to the spot on the chessboard and began to beat one of Harry's pawns.

"Being beaten by the green kid, eh?" Fred and George Weasley, Ron's brothers (who were convientely twins) slid up to the wizard chess match between Harry and Zim.

"It's just beginner's luck Fred." Harry waved the twins off and stared at Zim intently, awaiting his next move.

"You passed?" Zim asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah, yeah, just go already."

The edges of his mouth **[A/N: I'm so tempted to make it 'meeth'.] **twitched something a little like joy, but the expression only lasted for a split-second.

"OH MY GOD, DID ZIM JUST SMILE?" Zim looked up immediately, and spotted Neville clutching his head in fear and confusion.

"No. I did not. ZIM DOES NOT SMILE!" _Only when I get praised by the Tallest, of course._

"He didn't smile, Neville. He almost did, but he didn't." Hermione pointed out.

**[A/N: Since of lot you DO NOT like the idea of Hermione and Zim falling for each other, I've decided to have a little dispute. A friendly one.]**

"For the sake of the Tallest, keep your over-large teeth out of this."

Ron started shrieking with laughter and was clutching his sides until George roughly kicked him in the small of his back.

"Ow...ow...blimey hell, George, that hurt..." he whined.

A sniffling came from where Hermione was. A few tears ran down her cheeks.

"Aw...oh Hermione, it wasn't supposed to be in a mean way, I was just joking." Zim pouted, winking at Harry as he did so.

Harry mouthed 'so you're doing this just to get her to shut up?'

Zim nodded while pulling at his hoodie. **[A/N: I love hoodies. So I gave Zim one. It's light gray with dark gray stripes. It sounds so warm.]**

Hermione wiped the tears away with the hem of her long-sleeved shirt and chewed her lip. "It's okay. I'm used to people calling me names."

"Mastah! Mastah! I'm soooooooo hungry!" GIR appeared out of nowhere and started knawing on the over-long sleeve of Zim's striped hoodie.

"GI- I mean Lightning! Stop it!"

"How is...Lighting _speaking?_" Harry gaped at the pair.

GIR clawed his way up Zim's back and sat on his shoulder.

"Er...potion accident," Zim lied point-blank.

"CAN I EAT NOW?" GIR whined, and started pawing at Zim's head.

"On one condition. Get me a green ushanka."  
"I DUNNO WHAT THAT IS, MASTAH!"

"I don't either," Ron said.

"It's...a hat from this show I sometimes watch. It's also known as a trapper hat."

Hermione took a deep breath. "It's from South Park, an American animated TV show. It's popular with Muggles. The creators of the show are Matt Stone and Trey Parker."

**[A/N: I seem to have alot of Author's Notes right now. Well, I just love South Park sooooooo (reference to Craig right there X3) much, that I decided to drag a little o' that into this nice little story. Well, the green ushanka belongs to Kyle Broflovski (HONORARY JEW!).**

"I've seen it before," Harry piped up. "There were only a few kids from England there. Like Pip, Christophe - who is also known as Ze Mole - and Gregory."

"Pfff...you saw the movie." Hermione cut across Harry's words. "Ze Mole and Gregory were only in South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut."

"No, no, Ze Mole was in a different episode for like a split-second."

"But Gregory was only in the movie."

"Fine! Dudley had the movie on DVD, and after I watched it I became hooked. Happy?" Harry confessed.

"No," Fred said darkly, causing everyone to laugh except Zim.

"BUT MASTAH! CAN'T YOU ONLY GET USHANKAS IN CANADA?"

"Inside voice, Lighting." Zim scolded.

"But mastah...I'd hafta go to Canada!"

Zim waved GIR away. "Never mind. It doesn't matter. I just wanted to see if I was the only one who watched South Park."

"I kinda wanna watch it..." Ron said.

"I have a DVD collection of all of them," Zim shrugged. "I also have a player that allows me to watch things in every place possible."

"Cool! Put it in!" Harry exclaimed excitedly.

"M'kay," Zim imitated Mr. Mackey's voice perfectly, causing Harry and Hermione to snort with laughter.

Ron turned his head up to his older brothers. "I feel like we've been missing out on something." he said simply.

**"There's a bunch of birds in the sky, and some deer just went running by, oh the snow's pure and white on the Earth rich and brown! Just another Sunday morning in my quiet mountain town! The sun is shining and the grass is green, under the three feet of snow, I mean. This is the day when it's hard to wear a frown! All the happy people stop to say hello!" Stan Marsh exclaimed from Zim's portable Irken technology.**

**"Get out of my way!" a stranger yelled at Stan.**

**"Even though the temperature is low, it's a perfect Sunday morning in my quiet, little mountain town!" Stan started squeaking.**

**Stan's mom turned to him. "Well, good morning Stan!"**

**"Mom! Can I have eight dollars to see a movie?"**

**"A movie?"**

**"Yeah! It's gonna be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film from Canada!"**

The five kids sat around the little device, watching the movie intently.

**Yay! Quick updates! Like I said before, I just HAD TO drag South Park into this. I'm trying to get them hooked on that show...South Park Dragon suggested it to me. **

**Reviews are greatly enjoyed! I know, I'm a review whore. Aren't all writers review whores, though?**

**Like I said...REVIEW!**


	10. One Death Makes No Difference

**Gonna try a new way of writing. Just for this chapter, it's from a different POV. It'll make writing this so much easier. This was a suggestion from one of my readers...I forgot who. BI -FAIL-**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim or Harry Potter.**

**x=================================================================================**

~Cedric Diggory's POV~

Cedric looked at the shadow of a lonely figure against the third floor corridor.

"Who's there?" he called out. Cedric only saw the figure's cloak rustle.

The shadow turned sharply, noticing that it had been spotted. It ran swiftly and pressed Cedric up against the wall. He noticed that the person had magenta eyes and maybe, just maybe, due to fright, it seemed that they had two antennaes.

The figure pressed against Cedric's throat. He coughed. "I'm serious! Who are you?"

A wand was turned on Cedric. He saw the words _Avada Kedavra _murmured and the last Cedric Diggory lay his eyes upon was a flash of green light.

**x=================================================================================**

"Zim?" Harry shook the green boy.

Zim sat up in bed. "Tell them to deactivate the blob...!" He noticed that he wasn't in his dream anymore. "Wait...nevermind. Sorry,"

Harry blinked his green eyes. "Something awful has happened,"

"What?"

"There's been a murder on the third floor corridor."

"What did you say, mate?" Ron yawned.

"Just come and see for yourself..." Harry shook his head sadly.

**x**================================================================================= 

Zim looked down at the broken body of Cedric he had killed only hours before and spat on it disgustedly. He turned his head to see several students crying (Mostly girls..) and Professor Sprout was looking as though she had just seen a ghost -which she probably had only a few minutes ago-; Hermione was already there and looked stricken with fright. He smiled to himself. "It had to be done..." he sighed.

**Dramatic. DUN DUN DUN. How was it? Tell me NOWWWWWWWWWWW. Thanks!**

**FireOfTheDragon signing off/out?**


	11. Memories Always Help

In case you haven't been able to tell, Zim's been p-! Try ta' guess it.  
Who ever gets it first gets a virtual cookie!

Now for the serious part. _The death had to be done. I would not be able to write another IZ/Harry Potter cross-overs EVER if I didn't kill Cedric off.  
_AUGH- sorry for the short chapter size. I did it at 3 in the morning; don't know what thoughts were running through my mind. Um...prepare for major confusion. And if you've read this far, thank chu! I feel so special...

WildCard-Yes Man: Sorry! I forgot. But it's because of you that I continued this storeh...So everyone, thank him (right?)!

NOTE: It's spelled "Noone"! I searched it up, it's not "No one" or "No-one". XP Wikipedia FTW~

Now on to the story!

* * *

"Late again, Redavni." Snape smirked from the shadowy corner of his dungeon.

"Sir- I- uh-" Zim had only been late because Hermione had began harrassing him about Cedric Diggory on his way out of the Great Hall; the thing was, he didn't even know who Cedric Diggory _was_.

"Ten points from Gryffindor and _another _detention on Friday night, then." The vile man snarled as a glass above him cracked. A spurt of green liquid erupted from it and went showering onto Snape. He glared up at Zim. "Learn to control your anger, Redavni." he snarled.

Zim snorted. "Whatever, I don't care." There had been confusion running around Hogwarts since that morning. Everyone freaking out, freaking out because noone knew who killed some kid called Cedric Diggory. Zim couldn't remember what happened the previous night; he felt as if he was missing part of his memory. He sat down and sighed angrily.

_Is my PAK damaged? I don't even remember saying night to anybody...I mean, it can't be damaged, can it? The almighty Zim's PAK- DAMAGED? _He began drumming his fingers angrily on the grimy table.

He turned his head away from everyone else and down to his legs as Snape began a long, drab, speech about the fine arts of some sort of potion.

* * *

Zim studied Harry from across the chess board. "Make your move,"

Harry smiled, narrowed his eyes, and commanded his knight to smush one of Zim's rooks.

"Nice move." Zim complimented.

"Thank you," nodded Harry. "It's very tiring to speak and watch a magical object move across a board, huh?"

The alien jutted out his lip. "If you say so," he slid off his seat. "Anyways...I'm tired. 'Night."

He trudged across the common room and slumped face-first into bed.

* * *

Just a filler chapter (again)! Next one will have lots and lots of action, I promise. Oh, and I learned how to use the Author's Note thing! :D


	12. Sour

**ZOMG action! Yeh, it's short, but I wanted a cliffhanger! Oh, and debookworm01 guessed that Zim had gotten possessed~ He won ze virtual cookie!**

**Et je baisais né de cette façon!**

* * *

The small alien leaned against a wall, trying to catch his breath. He turned his head sharply when he heard rapid footsteps chasing him again. Who was following him? And what did they want?

"Go away!" he screeched, his voice echoing off the corridor walls.

Professor Quirrell turned the corner. It was him who had been following Zim. "Come with me,"

"Why would I come with you, you filthy human?"

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way." Quirrell said coldly.

"What happened to your ridiculous stutter? Disappeared with your smarts?" Zim snapped back.

Quirrel scowled, and the next thing Zim knew, he was stuffed in a sack. Ironic.

Someone nudged him in the ribs. He looked up to see Quirrell unwrapping the turban on his head. What was under it made Zim gasp, out of fright or shock, or maybe both. Another face was planted firmly on the back of the teacher's head, bright red and raw. With scarlet eyes, no nose, and the palest of pale skin, it was a hideous...being, so to speak.

"Zim Redavni. The only human to get close to Harry Potter easily, per se. You think that I do not know who either of you are?" the face said in a cold and high voice.

"Well, obviously, you know our names. So you know who we are. Simple as that." Zim sighed. He always found himself in these situations. _Why does this happen so often? I get away from the Dib, you'd think I'd be able to stay out of trouble._ he thought angrily.

"Tell me where Harry Potter is, his deepest secrets, and why he defeated me so easily on October 31st, 1981." the mystery face gave it as an order, not a request.

"No way, you Brit." Zim rolled his eyes. "I'm not a mercenary, see?" he smiled, then took a sharp intake of breath as something slashed against his face.

"I demand respect."

* * *

Harry shook Ron. "Wake up, Ron! C'mon, this isn't the time for napping!"

"W-what time i-is it...?" the redhead yawned.

"Past dinnetime!"

"Then what's the problem?" Ron was more awake now.

"Zim's gone...!"

"So?"

"_So..._there's a killer roaming the school and he's small! What if he's been killed already? It'd be all my fault!"

Ron snorted. "_Your_ fault? Zim can take care of himself,"

Harry stared at his friend disbelievingly. "What happened to you?" he shoved himself away and stormed out of the common room.

* * *

**When best friends go sour!~  
Stupid dialouge provided by ME...donc tu es avec moi? S'il vous plaît? **Use Google Translate if you don't know what the hell I'm saying in French.

**Review or I'll cock my head, and give you a creepy stare. I've been practicing!~**

**P.S. Request: I'm writing another story, a South Park one. It's about them going to France or whatever (with Creek, maybe Style, and maybe Ksquared), and I was wondering if you guys could tell me if this is a good idea or not, and review it when I'm done with the first chapter?  
BLARGH...thanks!~**


	13. It's a Bit Dry, Sir

**Yeh, I know it's short, but I wanted a cliffhanger for you guys. I have a lot of those for you guys, no? Buuuut, if you're bad at context clues and text features, I'm letting you know Zim's in one of the dungeons. **

**And yeah, I know. Some of you think I messed-up my own story with Zim smiling at Cedric's dead body. NON. HE WAS POSSESSED. DURING THE NIGHT AND MORNING. SO. LIVE WITH IT. Or I'm seriously gonna start screaming swear words in French. Seriously. So...enjoy this leetle story (owo)...and of course, review. Of course.**

* * *

Zim coughed when a cloud of dust came up from Professor Quirrel's footsteps. None of this made sense. Yes, he knew that Quirrel and the second face wanted Harry's whereabouts. The only problem was that he honestly didn't know. It seemed that after spending a several hours in the dank room, Zim had started to become weary. It wasn't until he heard a familiar voice did Zim get up from his spot on the dungeon floor.

"Zim! C'mon, Zim, the Feast is starting!"

Zim tried to answer back, but he couldn't, due to his inhalation of dirt and dust. It had coated the inside of his throat, rendering it uncapable of making any noise except for coughing.

Harry's calls started up again. "_Zim!_"

"So, Zim, do you need a refreshment?" the face sneered. It obviously knew that voice belonged to Harry. "Quirrel, get dear Zim a little drink so he can answer his friend."

Quirrel gave a flick of his wand and produced a goblet full of clear water, then handed it to the wizard glaring at him. "Drink it!" he barked.

Zim slowly raised it to his lips until remembering he couldn't come into contact with any form of water. He tapped it with his threstral wand, turning it into pumpkin juice. "Cheers," he murmured before sipping the drink diligently.

"Call him!" Quirrel ordered.

"Who?" Zim opened his mouth slightly and rolled his eyes.

"Harry Potter, you fool!"

"Oh! Oh yeah, I remember now!" he said sarcastically. "Harry, in here, I'm in here!"

The door opened in a hurried matter and Harry poked his head inside. His face grew pale when he realized the situation. "Lord Voldemort..." he said in a strained whisper. Zim watched Quirrel stun him, horrified.


	14. How the Test Was Won

**Tch. I know it's short. But I just got off my computer ban and I was like WOAH I REALLY NEED TO UPDATE ASDFLK. Meh — next chapter should be the last. But I'm starting a Second Year of this! Yay!~ So please, enjoy my pitiful story.**

* * *

_This is my fault. He's gonna die. What'll I do? My cover will be blown for sure, and then I'd have to answer questions...and...and...This is all Voldemort's fault. Cedric. He died because of him. I know now. This- all this- isn't my doing. Maybe it's time someone taught that scumbag what happens when you mess with an Irken. _Zim laughed sadly, staring at the Stunned Harry.

"Hey! Hey—you! Voldy! Didn't your mother teach you it's not nice to hurt people?" the green boy snarled. He scrambled up and pointed his blackthorn wand at Quirrel.

The stout man whirled around. "Respect the Dark Lord, you simple-minded fool!" he screeched.

"_Avifors!_" a dozen little birds started pelting toward Quirrel; they pecked at his face until it bled heavily.

"If you're going to play that way, so be it! _Crucio!_" Voldemort had'nt made a sound since the two had started firing spells at each other.

As soon as Zim felt the burning sensation inside his petite body, he kneeled down and screamed. He wanted it all to end — to go away — even death would be better than the torture he was going through now —

And then it ended. "That didn't feel too pleasant, did it?" Voldemort said quietly.

Zim didn't say anything for a few moments. Then he slowly lifted his wand up again and muttered, "_Flipendo!_".

Quirrel fell backwards, onto Harry. As soon as his hand touched Harry's, he began to writhe in pain. His screams echoed off the dungeon walls. Quirrel's face began to burn away, then his hand, then his torso, until there was no more. Zim shuffeled over to Harry and shouted, "_Ennervate!_" — Harry blinked his emerald eyes a few times, letting the rest of his body catch up.

"Zim? Thanks."

Zim smiled. "Welcome, but I think it's time we got to the End-of-Term Feast, don't you?"

* * *

**Review.**


	15. The Winners

**ASDFLK PLEASE DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT MAH CHAPTER LENGTHS OR ABOUT HOW LONG MY STORY IS IN ALL. Sheesh, this was like, my first fanfic ever with some on the side. Let's say my first "hit". I'm glad that some of my readers aren't too shy to review anymore. When I first started on FanFiction, I was shy as well. Ha, this is the last chapter. I would so very much enjoy reviews from all my readers, to prove to my mother that I **_**can **_**get many people to read things I write, and get positive feedback. Bitch. PLEASE READ!: Sequel to this story will be called "Invader Zim Goes to Hogwarts Year Two". TCH, READ THAT TOO! c:**

**Mid-Edit: I checked my stats on this stinking story! 2673 Hits, 1 C2, 18 Favs, and 16 Alerts! Woohoo! I'm really happy, ya'll~**

**Nother-Edit: I AM accepting OC's for future Invader Zim Goes to Hogwarts stories, so, er, if you have any, just leave a full description in your review. Erm.**

* * *

Zim sat on one side of Ron, Harry on the other. They were all staring up at Dumbledore, who was in charge of declaring which House won the House Cup. The elderly man cleared his throat loudly.

"Another year gone!" he said quite loudly. "And I must trouble you with an old man's wheezing waffle before we sink our teeth into our delicious feast. What a year it has been! Hopefully your heads are all a little fuller than they were...you have the whole summer ahead to get them nice and empty before next year starts..."

Dumbledore gave a small smile. "Now, as I understand it, the House Cup here needs awarding, and the points stand thus: In fourth place, Hufflepuff, with three hundred and sixty-six points; in third, Ravenclaw, with four hundred and twenty points; in second, Slytherin, with four hundred and seventy-eight points; and Gryffindor, with five hundred and sixteen points."

Red and gold decorations fell from the ceiling. Deafening cheers erupted from the Gryffindor table, seeming to shake the whole Hall. The Slytherins looked gloomily and loathfully over at the celebrating House. Zim joined in, saluting his two friends. "Now, let us eat!" Dumbledore clapped his hands together once and food appeared on the golden plates.

Zim started shoveling salad and pumpkin juice down his throat, slighty smirking all the while. Gryffindor's victory renewed his tired spirit, and he laughed when Lee Jordan took a crack at Filch, the caretaker. The noises were overwhelming.

Then he remembered he had to wait a whole summer until coming back, and sighed.

* * *

**Erm, as I said before, I am accepting OC's for the next story, because Zim will be hanging out with a different House in the next few stories. We only have a few original names, so, erm, I would love if you guys could submit some in your reviews.**


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